He Loves Me, but He Hates It

Well there I was all freshly coiffed and every time my darling hubby, Babe, looked at me he was visibly distressed by what he saw...or didn't see. He has this special "look" he reserves for sheer disgust and that was the "look" he shot my way whenever I crossed his path.

I loved my new 'do, but I was still adjusting to the beautiful but different Natalie. So his response to my look hurt. Sure he'd adjust, and in fact he has, but the first days after my "big chop" left him almost speechless.

Being adored by Babe has always been one of my favorite aspects of our relationship, but the Natalie he preferred looking at was no more. We met when I was 18 and I had, of course, that long flowing hair that was a big part of his attraction. Not that big, but big. Heck I'm a hottie all by myself, but I am fully aware that some men love long hair and he's no exception. But his blatant dislike of my little 'fro was hard on a girl. I don't care how confident you are (I do okay) if your man suddenly thinks, "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE??!" it's tough. He was that guy who tells his woman who's gained weight after having babies, or just gained weight over time, that she needs to get her big butt to the gym. That was not my Babe and it made me sad.

I was sad but I didn't regret my decision because it was mine and mine alone and I didn't do it for him. I didn't do it to disgust him either, but I did do it solely for NATALIE.

Later, about 48 hours post chop, he went from detesting it to attempting to help me make "it" better.

"Maybe you could twist it and let it loose so it'll be curlier?" He asked. I must admit day one was very 'froish which wasn't my favorite look, so I have to cut the guy some (just a little) slack.

"I'll try different things but I just got it cut so I have to figure it out."

"You look like you smoke weed, listen to Erykah Badu and burn incense," he joked. And I did. Or do (have that look I mean). "You've got that Afrocentric vibe now. Angela Davis. Black Panther, Power to the People. That's the look."

And or DUH, it was a little afro, why wouldn't I remind him of such? But deep inside I felt wonderful to be compared to that time, to those people. I loved it. I felt gorgeous, I felt free.

Having Babe go through the earliest stage of his adjustment was really hard on me, especially when I was still working on truly loving it myself. Sure I liked it, but when people you know glance at you like "whoa" and pretend that layer of wooly hair isn't really there it can make you second-guess yourself a little. But once you've made up YOUR mind that this is what you want, it gets easier. The initial shock is rough though.

Babe likes it now, at least he doesn't look like he wants to cuss when he sees me, and I'm far more confident than I was on day one and two...and it's only been about a week! If nothing else I am more confident in my own skin, feel sexier and carry myself as such. What man can resist that? I don't care if you're bald, no man can deny the beauty of a strong black woman who walks with the pride of the kings and queens she calls her ancestors. I've turned over a new leaf and all it took was a pair of scissors.